It is these days when I am most vulnerable and frightened about the present and future that I have turned to God. I guess that's a typical story. But I'm starting to get it. Something just clicked during the pilgrimage. First, the jackhammer of grace hit me during Lent and Easter. Then came the souls that came into my life and opened my eyes. A period of healing in St. Joseph's Oratory was just what I needed to really become connected to this greater spiritual world.
I think what has made a crucial difference is this recurring desire for more, a sense of longing. It has manifested itself in many ways both good and bad. Sometimes I long to be a better person. I long for love. Sometimes it takes the form of girl-craziness. Sometimes I am just lonely and wish the company of others. Some days I just want to be alone walking along the lake. I desperately seek to know what God has planned for me. C.S. Lewis experienced similar longing which lead him to understand the existence of a single loving God. It is comforting to know that I am on a road traveled before.
There is more I wish to say but I don't know how to say it. But I have to try. I'm afraid that if I don't share what small fragment of faith I have, I might lose it.
